Assertive Communication

ASSERTIVE

COMMUNICATION

Kit Hennessy, LPC, CEAP

Faculty and Employee Assistance Program

Ever end up frustrated after a conversation with someone because you didn’t feel like you communicated as well as you would have liked? Ever walk away from a conversation asking yourself what just happened?

Assertiveness is a style of communication that greatly enhances our effectiveness with others and produces the most positive outcomes. Assertiveness can enhance the following:

Improve interpersonal relationships Reduce conflicts/anxiety

Enhance self esteem Retrain self respect

Minimize stress Treats others respectfully

Reduce feelings of helplessness/depression Gives a sense of control

Generally, there are 4 styles of communication.

1. PASSIVE

2. AGGRESSIVE

3. PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE

4. ASSERTIVE

A person operating from the Passive style tends to avoid conflict at all costs. This person will internalize discomfort rather than risk upsetting others. This style tends to result in a lose-win situation, and results in feelings of victimization, resentment, and a loss of a sense of control.

A person who uses this style in many of his daily interactions has the underlying belief that other peoples’ needs are more important than their own, and that if he speaks up, others will ignore or reject him. This individual usually has a low sense of self-esteem, and has a difficult time recognizing his/her own needs and knowing how to get them met more appropriately.

The Aggressive person creates a win-lose situation. This individual uses intimidation and control to get his/her needs met, and is disrespectful and hurtful to others in communications. This person has the underlying beliefs that power and control are the only way to get needs met. This person operates from a real sense of inadequacy and may have a lack of empathy for others.

The Passive-Aggressive person incorporates elements of both of the previous styles. He tends to use...