A Daughter's Dilemma

A Daughter’s Dilemma

I lay staring at the ceiling. My eyes fixate on a particular spot, but I didn’t know why. There is nothing special about it, but for some reason it reminded me of him.

It was the wee hours of a cold Sunday morning. The sounds from the busy street below could be heard echoing off every wall of my ninth floor apartment. Sleep had escaped me as my thoughts drifted to someone familiar.

“What if he were here now?” I ask aloud. “I don’t know if I would ask him.”

Slowly, I reached over to Rex who is lying next to me. He too is not asleep but doesn’t say much. He just listens. He rubs his forehead against my damp cheeks and his deep tones are smooth.

“Don’t worry Vins. You knew he loved you. You knew he cared. That’s what’s important.”

“But Rex you don’t understand. That’s not enough,” I replied. “I want to know why he left us. Why he did this to his children. Didn’t we mean anything to him? Or didn’t we mean enough?”

Rex looked at me dead in the eyes, as his left arm caressed my shoulders. His face was plastered with the expression of a lovesick pup. He had heard it all before; the same questions; the same raw emotions.

For the last five years, Rex had been my confidante and my dearest friend. Between us lies an unspoken understanding that is far more telling than any words could describe.  His stare has been my source of assurance; his touch has warmed me through some very trying times and he has served as my constant nucleus of security. But there are times when I selfishly wished Rex was able to do and say more.

“I loved him Rex,” I said, overwhelmed by my emotions and sobbing uncontrollably. “I never got to tell him. I never got to tell him.”

Minutes of silence went by. Our rhythmic breathing seemed to drown the noise from below.

“Do you think he knew?” I paused. “What if he didn’t know how I really felt about him?  I wanted some more time. I wanted to make up for the time we lost.”

At this point Rex’s...