The No Power

The overarching theme is about learning to set realistic limits, sticking to your

boundaries while honoring relationships. It is not just a win-win strategy but a game of life.

Creating a No-Yes-No situation

• Stage I – Prepare: understand yourself, the players, and situation and visualize each stage to get to your final yes desired.

o A positive No requires people to do the exact opposite and base your NO on what you are for. Refrain from starting with no versus the others demand or behavior. Begin with a “yes” statement that gets at your core interest and what truly matters.

o The deeper you can get to your core motivation the more powerful and believable your “yes” and final “no” will become.

o Become forward looking and purposeful, do not react out of emotion. Stop and try to be more proactive by learning yourself and your own interest and triggers (Why do you want to say “NO”) and what your priorities are. Then look for ways to manage those emotions and drivers allowing for increased focus on what matters to you most. Stop and take a time out when you feel yourself about to be reactive.

 Use phrases such as “I’m sorry but this is not a good time for me to talk”

 Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you tomorrow.

o Empower your “No” even when it isn’t accepted well. The more you need the other to do what you want, the more you give them over you and the less power you have to influence them. Thus, take the neediness out of the desire and let the opposing party know that while you would like for them to cooperate you have Plan B – alternative ways to address your needs (BATNA). Plan B is not a fall back but a setback for a comeback independent of the other party.

o Brainstorm a variety of alternative plans including intermediate ones if needed. If the other is more powerful than you then consider building a winning coalition to support your position and needs.

o Anticipate the others power moves and neutralize the impact of their...