Get Ready

I still don't know why I love you.

Someone once said to me "you can’t wait for a train that’s never coming". The same way you can’t chase down a ship that’s already pulled anchor, or try to fix something that’s already broken beyond repair. Things that fall apart can be put back together, but never in exactly the same way. We fell apart. I don’t know how or when things started to go wrong, I never had a warning sign, or an iceberg, or a a gust of cold air. It’s hard to watch people change, but its even harder to watch someone leave you behind. I’ve had four best friends and I’ve watched every single one walk away and move on without a hint of distress or pain. It makes me wonder what my purpose is. It makes me wonder why I have to go through this over and over, where most people always have someone else to fall back on when things go wrong.

You know when you recall a happy memory, or even a sad one, you can still feel that emotion? You can remember the moment you laughed so hard that you actually fell over the chair; Even if it’s a memory from years ago, it still brings a smile to your face?

*sighs*

Now I need to cut the chase. I've been keeping a huge amount of feelings inside of my heart and I just felt the URGE to put my feelings in writing.

Hell no I'm not trying to show how utterly depressed I am, or how much of a drama queen I can be. And I’m sorry if I complain or vent too much on this lately. So let's get one thing straight, I may have not been through half as much trouble as most, but I’ve still had experiences that traumatized me, that I’ve had to wake up everyday with & deal with and move on from, but they are what made me, ME. I’m not what I seem, I only show people what I want them to see. Kind of like a television show, there’s tons of footage but I only let few see it all & the rest gets edited.

This is just me, developing my personal style, all over again.

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We became friends because you realized that I am a nurturer,...