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"They're all staring." "Smile and wave, Merlin. Smile and wave." "Oh my God." "Can you try to be at least a little bit subtle about your mental breakdown? The eyes of the world are on us, you oaf. And it's not like this is our first public date. We've been going out for two years. Everyone knows. You've been as stealthy as an unstealthy thing." "It's our first official, you-doing-your-job-and-me-as-your..." "Plus one? Arm candy? Princess Bride?" "Date. Me as your date. It's the first time I've been officially in the public eye, and you know it, and I'm allowed to freak out a bit. This is a totally reasonable time to start feeling horribly self-conscious and to wish I'd brought a spare pare of trousers. I am bricking it, Arthur." "Smile and wave, for fuck's sake, and stop freaking out. If you give them an inch they'll take a mile. A dozen miles. All your bloody land and your neighbour's land too. What I'm saying is the press are a bunch of vultures, so keep calm and carry on. Smile and wave." "How do you do that? Seriously, how are you bitching at me without moving your lips?" "Years of practice. Smile and wave. It's fine. For a first ever public appearance as a couple, this is actually a great choice. Everyone's more interested in watching to see whether Sir Ian McKellen's

going to stride into the middle of Danny Boyle's little mini-Shire in a Gandalf outfit juggling geese than they are in ogling the heir to the throne and his hot boyfriend." "...." "Are you blushing?" "Shut up." "You're blushing! Like a Jane Austen character!" "I can still turn you into a frog, you know." "Pah." "Frog Prince. It's not like there's no precedent." "You wouldn't dare!" "Really?" "Hunith would have your guts for garters!" "Oh. Well. Yes, there is that." "She likes me more than you." "She's my Mum, you berk! Just because you're the bloody Prince of Wales, and a bit gorgeous, and....oh, God, she probably does like you more than me." "Ha! So there - you can't turn me into a frog."...