Gyuguyguy

Smarthinking's E-structor Response Form

(Your marked-up essay is below this form.)

HOW THIS WORKS: Your e-structor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your e-structor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking's OWL; best wishes with revising your paper!

Hello, Thanh. My name is Michael P., and I will be reviewing your essay describing your mother. Let’s get started!

*Strengths of the essay: You use specific detail effectively, Thanh. Readers will be able to objectively judge your mother’s qualities, not just take your word for it, given that you include several examples of her kindness. Well done!

*Thanh 5901461 has requested that you respond to the Transitions: I will not respond to transitions in order to focus on the more pressing concern of content development. 

*Thanh 5901461 has requested that you respond to the Sentence Structure Some of your sentences are run-ons. Writers must organize content, express their meaning in precise terms, and divide with the appropriate punctuation to communicate effectively. Let’s look at a sentence from your essay.

“Therefore, my mom let her use our car to go to the hospital, the lady was so happy and told my mom that she was so nice to her neighbor.”

Run-on sentences often contain multiple independent actions. Write declarative sentences to avoid run-ons. Declarative sentences begin with a subject, followed by a verb, then a direct object. For example, “Homer works at the nuclear plant.” Rewrite sentences that describe multiple distinct actions, such as this sentence, in declarative form.

Content Development: The assignment description suggested that you ask others to describe the person profiled. A variety of perspectives of this person will provide a more complete portrait of their qualities. For instance, your parent-child relationship predetermines the kinds of things that you will find interesting about her....