Rhetorical Paper

Lacey Robinson

A.P. Lang./Comp.

28 April 2014

Jealousy: How to Kill the Green-eyed Monster

Jealousy is angry agitated worry. When we are jealous we worry that our partner might find someone else more appealing and we fear that he or she will reject us. We view jealousy as a coping strategy. Since we feel threatened that our partner might find someone more attractive, we may activate jealousy as a way to cope with this threat. We believe that our jealousy may keep us from being surprised, help us defend our rights, or force our partner to give up interests elsewhere. We may also think that our jealousy can motivate us to give up on the relationship—so that we don’t get hurt any more. If you are feeling jealous, it’s important to ask yourself what you hope to gain by your jealousy. How do we kill this monster within us?

Notice that it is a feeling inside you. But you have a choice of whether you act on it. What choice will be in your interest? Accept and observe your jealous thoughts and feelings.

When you notice that you are feeling jealous, take a moment, breathe slowly, and observe your thoughts and feelings. Recognize that jealous thoughts are not the same thing as a reality. You may think that your partner is interested in someone else, but that doesn’t mean that they really are. Thinking and reality are two completely different ideas.

You don’t have to obey your jealous feelings and thoughts. Notice that your feeling of anger and anxiety may increase while you stand back and observe these experiences. Accept that you can have an emotion—and allow it to be. You don’t have to “get rid of the feeling”. We have found that mindfully standing back and observing that a feeling is there can often lead to the feeling weakening on its own.

Recognize that uncertainty is part of every relationship. Like many worries, jealousy seeks certainty. “I want to know for sure that he isn’t interested in her” or, “I want to know for sure that we won’t break up”. Ironically,...