Submitted by: Submitted by dawnmitzerl
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Date Submitted: 06/27/2016 12:12 AM
Sample College Application
Essay 1
You Be the Judge
Read the following application essay. See if you can figure out this essay's strengths and weaknesses.
Then keep reading to see our critique.
The Essay
From the time I was able to realize what a university was, all I heard from my mother's side of the family
was about the University of Michigan and the great heritage it has. Many a Saturday afternoon my
grandfather would devote to me, by sitting me down in front of the television and reminiscing about the
University of Michigan while halftime occurred during a Michigan Wolverines football game. Later, as I
grew older and universities took on greater meaning, my mother and uncle, both alumni of the
University of Michigan, took me to see their old stamping grounds. From first sight, the university looked
frightening because of its size, but with such a large school comes diversity of people and of academic
and nonacademic events.
In Springfield High School, nonacademic clubs such as the Future Physicians and the Pylon, both of
which I have belonged to for two years, give me an opportunity to see both the business world and the
medical world. These two clubs have given me a greater sense of what these careers may be like. In
Future Physicians, I participated in field trips to children's hospitals and also participated in two blood
banks.
Currently I hold a job at Maas Brothers. This lets me interact with people outside my own immediate
environment. I meet different kinds of people, in diffrent moods, with different attitudes, and with
different values. This job teaches me to be patient with people, to have responsibility, and to appreciate
people for what they are.
In the community I am active in my church Youth Group. As a high school sophomore, I was our
church's representative to the Diocesan Youth Fellowship. I helped organize youth group events, the ...