Andy Axia

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Pages: 3

Category: Other Topics

Date Submitted: 09/23/2011 08:13 AM

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This paper was written over one of my favorite movies, and accurately identified good points to attain the reader’s attention. However, the paper has various errors that caused it to lack the aspects of academic writing and confused me at times. In the first paragraph the sentence structure is a bit off. The sentence states: “and was thought to be a contender to earn an academy award nomination. Ultimately that honor was not bestowed on the film”, it should be rewritten as: in addition potentials of an academy award winning nomination, however ultimately it did not receive the aforementioned honor. Subsequently the second half of the sentence could also be rearranged to say: it has the rarest quality of storytelling, as well the ability to elevate the comic books film popularity in correspondence to the film. The second paragraph has quite a few run-on sentences which take up most of the paragraph, and does not accurately convey ideas effectively or efficiently. The use of contractions is not acceptable in academic writing. Andy should have disassembled it into three sentences versus one compacted sentence. This particular sentence could have also been rewritten. It could have been written: “Specifically the film writer and director Christopher Nolan and David S. Goyer. Stars such as Christian Bale, Gary Oldman, and Michael Cain all played roles in both films, with the only exception being Maggie Gyllennall replacing Katie Holmes. In Heath Ledger’s final role as the Joker he earned an academy award for the portrayal. Unfortunately, it was not until he passed away.

In the third and fourth paragraphs Andy does not elaborate enough on the characters in the film. The names are listed but there is not enough resourceful information to dictate what their roles in the film actually exemplified. More than likely these two paragraphs should be rewritten for reasons the points are not supporting each other as they should in academic writing. Using a source such as...