Coffee

Coffee. Easily the most talked about, discussed, deliberated and described beverage in the world. Being the thorough, rigorous and analytical fellow that my internship tutor took me to be, I decided to conduct a Google Trends analysis for the same. No beverage could even come close- beer was the only one that offered some respectable competition. The peoples of Maddu-land, Mallu-land, Brazil, Mexico and Ethiopia can rejoice while those of Germany, Czech and dear old Belgium order another keg in despair. I then proceeded to compare Coffee with greater stalwarts. Rajnikant was blown away, Big B found a bigger C. Even Sachin was dwarfed. Not to be outdone, I entered personal virtual favourites- Angelina Jolie and Megan Fox into the fray. Horror of horrors- coffee again. Slimy thing, I thought- take on Pam, feeling much like that Pokemon guy when he calls upon Pikachu. And lo, one cup beat two jugs. The fact that I completely skewed the competition, or in corporate terms, did a thorough stress-test by entering insurance, porn and sex should take nothing away from the mother of all chocolates and just be treated as a footnote.

When Shakespeare composed the Seven Stages of Man, he might as well have pivoted the whole thing around coffee. As a kid, coffee is right up there with Archie comics, late-night TV and sugar-cane juice sold by street vendors- forbidden fruit. Longing looks are shot at that box of Necafe while the perennial shuffle between Bournvita, Maltova and Complan goes on. Patience is only rewarded on that glorious day when the house suddenly runs out of drinking chocolate, and since one refuses to have unflavoured milk, the mater is generous enough, for one day only, to add the teeniest amount. Joy to the world. Such are the simple pleasures of childhood.

Time goes by. ESPN displaces Cartoon Network as your favourite TV channel. Aishwarya Rai becomes the Miss of your world. Queen Elizabeth staunchly refuses to be past tense. Jyoti Basu gives her tough...