Art of Frindship

The Art of Friendship

by Peter Saint-Andre

The ideal and pursuit of friendship held great fascination for ancient Greek thinkers and artists as diverse as Aristotle and Epicurus, Homer and Sappho. Yet friendship has received little philosophical attention since the time of the ancients. Surprisingly, even the neo-Aristotelian philosophy of Objectivism has not treated friendship as a topic for serious reflection, despite the portrayal of strong friendships -- such as those between Gail Wynand and Howard Roark in The Fountainhead and between Hank Rearden and Francisco D'Anconia in Atlas Shrugged -- within the novels of Ayn Rand. What is it that makes for a strong and deep friendship? And what does it take to maintain and grow such a friendship? The topic is much broader than I can pursue in a short essay, but I would like to explore several aspects of friendship that have impressed themselves on me through my own experience and reflection. First, it is clear to me that there is much more to friendship (or love) than agreement about intellectual matters. For example, I do not feel a great affinity for every Objectivist, libertarian, or Aristotelian I happen to meet. Friendship is a matter of connecting at a deeper and more personal level than that. The salient fact I've realized in seeking potential friends and building friendships is that there are precious few people with whom one can connect in life. One is fortunate if one finds half a dozen good friends with whom one has a deep affinity. Indeed, there are so many ways not to connect with another person that it is astonishing that one finds close friends at all. Why? I think it is related to the fact that the only person one understands is oneself -- and then only if one is reflective and struggles to pursue the Greek ideal of "know thyself". If I understand myself and you are similar to me in some deep ways, then you and I can connect. Further, it's my self-knowledge that gives me my vision of life. I find that...