Dieting Proposal

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  Eating has always been an essential characteristic of New Orleans. Some scholars even suggest the words "New Orleans" actually mean "I'm as hungry as a fat lady" in Portuguese or possibly Spanish. New Orleans is known for its great food and restaurants, but unfortunately it has caused an influx of fat, uncontrollable eating machines -- less commonly known as "obese people." I can still remember as if it were yesterday at my father's restaurant, people stuffing their faces like wild bears feeding on a fox's carcass. The menu was very broad, spanning from salads to steaks, but it didn’t matter how broad the menu was because of the eating machines' (fat people) desire to eat greasy cheeseburgers and steaks. I have decided to make a modest proposal for all of you people of this potentially “skinny city”. I am suggesting all restaurant owners only serve flavored diet pills. These flavored diet pills will bring the eating machines weight down drastically and will control there cellulite levels. I am proposing this so that ruthless hogs can stop eating the earth’s supply of cows and pigs.

The flavored diet pills will be as delicious as any over the counter cherry or grape flavored Dimetapp. Yum! If Dimetapp weren’t a drug people would drink it every day just as people will eat diet pills everyday. The flavors would not stop there. There would be other intoxicating flavors like garlic and onion. These would not only be delicious, but they would give you nutritious energy. There would be flavors that appeal to your senses like dog poop and mucus flavor. Who wouldn’t want to wake up to a delicious meal of dog poop flavored diet pills. These pills would be a hundred percent natural, so you would know you are getting the good stuff in you.

Restaurants in the Fat City could start to market there pills throughout the country by mass producing them. There would be many brands of pills. Some pills could be from steak diet pill restaurants others from exotic...