Legal Professionals

As legal professionals, we lead busy lives. We have cases, conferences and networking events. We juggle work and social obligations, board commitments and Bar Association duties, struggling to find time for ourselves, our significant others and our children.

But what about being there for our parents? As parents age, deciding how best to care for them becomes a dilemma for many in a world that already demands a lot of our time.

When family law facilitator Susan Groves’ father passed away in 2006, her mother, Elain, then 81, sold their Oregon home. During the lengthy process of selling the house, Susan noticed her was having some difficulties.

“It was just rough,” Susan says of that time period. “She’d been married to him for 59 years, and now she was on her own.”

While some may struggle with the decision to have a parent move in, Susan says it was always the plan that her mother would live with her. Elain has said she never wanted to be in a home, and Susan had promised to keep her at home if she could. So in June 2007, Elain moved in.

Elain could not drive, so Susan would take her to her various appointments. There were visits with doctors every two to three weeks-“the plethora of doctors that you end up going to when you’re elderly and you have medical conditions. And just haircuts, the things you don’t think about that you do for yourself as a just a normal part of your life.” Susan says. It’s like having a child. You take on the responsibility for them to make sure those things are taken care of.”

Getting to know Elain

Susan helped Elain go through her things when she moved in. There were items from Susan’s childhood and specific things Elain wanted to give Susan’s kids. And of course there were pictures, and Susan was able to ask Elain about relatives.

When Susan was away, her husband, Manny, and her daughter Casey would check in on Elain and keep her company. “Everyone was very good about helping out and making sure she was not left...