Not Sure

Smarthinking's E-structor Response Form

(Your marked-up essay is below this form.)

HOW THIS WORKS: Your e-structor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your e-structor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking's OWL; best wishes with revising your paper!

Hi Racheal! My name is Delicia. V, and I am going to help you strengthen your essay about your passion for life. Let’s get started.

*Strengths of the essay:

Racheal, you did well to begin your paragraphs with a topic sentence that states the main idea of the paragraph. This is one example:

One of the main reasons I’m passionate about life is because I have a supporting family and they are very important to me

Main Idea/Thesis:

Racheal, you could revise your thesis into a more complete statement. Right now, you say:

So these are real true values in my life that I’m passionate about.

The purpose of the thesis is to capture the essence of what you're trying to say in the paper. It is generally a single sentence, coming at the end of the introduction that mentions the essay’s topic, claim or discussible point, and previews its main points.

You are writing about what you can offer the world, right? Why are you writing about this? Is it to say you have a passion for life? Which main points support your claim? You write about having a supportive family, a positive attitude, and living life to the fullest.

Here is an example:

Aloe vera gel (topic) accelerates wound healing (discussible point) because it acts as a natural wound dressing that seals a wound against infection, it alleviates inflammation, and stimulates the regeneration of skin cells and connective tissue (main points).

Did you see how it is done? How can you use this model when you create your thesis statement? This will help you provide the readers with a clear overview of your entire paper.

For more information regarding thesis...