Random

Xavier pulled the blanket up to his chin. The spine-chilling moaning continued. It’s just the wind in the chimney, he told himself, over and over. It’s nothing to worry about. The creaking of footsteps started towards his door from the unilluminated corridor outside. Slow, steady footsteps, were edging closer to his lonely, darkened room. Xavier reached above his head to turn his gas lamp on (when is this set?) , as it lit the room with a flickering orange, creating strange shadows that danced on the walls√. The footsteps had now reached his door. There was hardly a measurable pause, and then the door creaked open loudly. Xavier breathed in a gasp as a dark shadow threw himself at him, passing through him in a swift motion. Xavier was now at a loss of breath and he had just managed to get himself back under the control that had lasted for so long. Phrasing is a little awkward here – you could rework the sentence structure for more clarity.

He had been through this unbearable terror every night since he had moved in this historic, mysterious mansion two weeks ago – could you have begun with the move? Or used time shifts?. The lamp above his head blew out, as a sudden darkness filled the spacious room. Crazed laughter could be heard retreating from the room. His door slammed shut, the noise echoing through the unoccupied corridor. The moaning started again, coaxing him to run, run as fast and as far away as he could get from the constant terror. He ignored this temptation with a reasonable effort. Sighing with a small relief, he slid further down his bed, realising that at some point in the encounter he must have sat up.

There was a knocking at the front door.

An engaging beginning to a story Bonnie – you build suspense effectively and include some interesting description. You could still work on sentence structures and vary them so crate particular effects. Also, develop your vocabulary and make it clear when the story is set. Gas lamps implies a Victorian...