Brendan Macinnes

Brendan MacInnes

1234 SW Forest St

Stanton, Ca 45908

September 14, 2015

Renee Zhang

1402 Pertten Drive

Mosker, Ca 44097

Dear Renee Zhang:

We were pleased to receive your application letter, transcript, and sample of your written work. On behalf of Brendan MacInnes we would like to thank you for your interest. Your submission proves that we have some very bright talented young minds shaping our future!

Every year we select the most qualified top quality, promising candidate, with highest class standing as well. Considering you are a junior this year, we had to select a senior candidate. This was not an easy choice considering the incredible skills you displayed in your application.

We want to thank you again for considering us, but would also encourage you to please consider applying with us next year for the internship. It was a pleasure and we wish you the best in your career.

Sincerely,

Mike Watkins

Administrative Assistant

- Add the accent on the applicant's first name in the address line and salutation.

- The opening of your letter is generally good, and you do a good job of writing on behalf of the company. The first sentence in particular works well, although it is a little odd to read "We" without specifying for whom you are speaking. Better: "On behalf of Brendan MacInnes, President ...., and MacInnes Media, thank you for your interest in the intership with our company." Then, you might move the first sentence and make it the second one.

- A more personal sentence such as your third one is certainly possible and is often included in rejection letters that seek to add more of a personal, unique touch. However, replace the exclamation mark with a period, since exclamation marks are generally not included in written business correspondence and seem more appropriate for informal or spoken types of communication.

- You don't state that she has not been chosen for the internship in the first paragraph. You need to add a sentence or...