Love Her

To try to take the years of my life –- step back, examine it, condense it, try to make you understand how I feel, how much she means to me, how much she and I are as one seems almost disrespectful. It reminds me of how a blind person would feel when someone tries to explain to them the concept of colors. I could never put it into words, but for the sake of everything, I will try.

I really wish I could invent a romantic situation and proudly tell how we fell in love at first sight in a sultry, amazing way. No bells. No heavenly choir. No angels from up on high with lace and hearts and the "thump thump" of my heart. My first impression of her was not ... flattering. I thought she was kind of a bitch. The next time we met, I heard her laugh. And that was it. It began.

Within about eight months, she became my best friend. We wrote notes to each other every day. We called each other and talked on the phone every night, all night. We attended the same school and church, and we would hang out all the time. We were like two schoolgirls –- giggling and laughing and dancing and singing and just living.

We were tight. We both were going steady with other people. Some of our close friends thought we were more than “just friends”. I secretly wished we were. We would look at one another and go "ewww".

My love for her didn't grow. Or gradually build. It snuck up on me and kicked me in the back of the head. I woke up one day and realized I loved her and I wanted her to be with me. I kept this secret to myself. It was agony to see her all the time and be in love with her ... and not be with her. I was scared to tell her. I couldn't risk losing my best friend. I just couldn't.

Years passed, I had countless girlfriends but always found some reason to break it off. In the back of my mind I always compared them to her and found them inadequate in some way. She got married and divorced. We never lost touch. After her divorce I told her how I felt then and had always felt about her....