English Grading

Overall this paper is written very poorly. The paper seems to encompass almost every wrong-doing that can be mistakenly written into a paper. History papers are supposed to be written with a strong thesis that is then backed up by evidence and then the significance of that paper. The writer must come up with a strong thesis, state it, and then back it up with evidence that clearly supports the thesis that they stated. The trouble with this essay is that it states a thesis but does little to clearly state what evidence it will be giving in the paragraphs to come. As a result, the reader is left to march on trying to piece together the evidence left by the writer with no clear sense in how the information is supposed to be seen. It also jumps from point to point without transition. A good essay is should have a smooth transition from point to point so the reader can understand how it is building up and proving its first thesis. Without transitions, the reader sees the essay as choppy and unorganized. Another problem in this essay is that It gives information without actually giving any significance to it. The author includes a paragraph that somewhat details events of the Spanish war and how the united states was able to succeed but doesn’t include why that is important to understand. Essays shouldn’t include any information that doesn’t help prove the thesis. The essay lacks a good conclusion as well because it tries to add information at the end that was not mentioned in the essay. This is not acceptable because it completely throws the reader off and discredits the author as someone who can be trusted. The next thing that the essay lacks and that disqualifies it from earning a passing grade is the historical inaccuracies. There are times that the essay claims the events happening in the wrong century or claims that the people of the era it speaks of had devices that simply did not exist. Mistakes such as this are inadmissible because they completely discredit...