Ians Suicide

Lizzy J

Sometimes

Sometimes, we lose people and sometimes, we never get them back. We feel the agonizing pain every single day knowing we won’t see their bright smile anymore. Sometimes, that pain is so severe that you yourself, cannot breath, you’re emotionless, but in pain. Sometimes the thought of them, breaks through your mind, and you’re so overwhelmed with grief that you lay there, wishing upon wish that you could be near them again.

A song will play, and I can hear him singing the lyrics all around me. His voice so raspy, yet something so beautiful. Beautiful, like songs from a bird, it’s easy to sing along with the tune. I go for a walk in my favorite park, something we cherished. Hearing the footsteps of only one person walking breaks my heart as the leaves shatter and sticks snap below my feet. Look to the left, there is the swing we would play on for hours, giggling, and acting like little kids. To the right, the field of bright yellow dandelions. I remember the smell of fresh cut grass, with a bit of a citrusy aftermath when he would shove the vibrant dandelions in my face, and cover me in mustard yellow pollen. I sit on the old wooden swing that hung from a tall willow tree, just to think about how beautiful life is. For a split second, he’s next to me again, pushing me on that swing, and acting like little kids all over again.

I reach for something that isn’t there, then the feeling that I want to scream overwhelms my body because reality returns with crushing brutality. I die a little inside because I feel like I’ve lost him all over again. The pain comes rushing back, blocking out everything good I was just smiling and giggling about. No one can make me feel better, not really anyways. Who was once my best friend since childhood, is now gone and knowing that he can never come back is the worst heart wrenching feeling. I know that I will feel like this over and over again. The horrifying recurring nightmares will never end. All the happy...