Musing on God

do I believe in God or not? I don't really know.. it's a nice thought, isn't it? that everything's going to be okay in the end. unless you screw up horribly, but god is supposed to be forgiving, isn't he? (is it weird that I feel it more.. comfortable to write 'god' with a lower case rather than uppercase? maybe that goes to show how far my faith, if it was ever there, has fallen, but.. I don't really feel guilty.) or that this isn't just the end, that we still have somewhere after this life, or that people that are important to us will have a place to go? that there's still a way to be with the ones we love. and things that we regret and the loose ends.. we can make up for them in heaven.

but I don't think that's how the world works.. I suppose religion is a way to comfort and delude people so they don't feel so bad about dying and their lives and all that. after all, isn't it okay if you've had a crappy life on earth if afterwards, you would be rewarded by an amazing eternal life? isn't it?

so many religions on earth.. is this our brains' way of helping us cope with life? so many people, including myself, are afraid of death. afraid of being buried in the ground, and that's it. you live, you die, you're done. isn't that scary? nothing you do really matters because you're just going to die anyway, nothing after that. you only live on in the memories of others, but they will die eventually, too, and the world will forget you. the world moves on. it's scary because no one wants to be told their existence is insignificant.

I guess that's why some religious people argue their beliefs so heatedly, huh? no one wants to be told that all of their efforts, everything had done, were for nothing. that no matter what they did, they would all just die.. whether they wanted to or not, whether or not they had loose ends that need to be tied, regrets that needed to be fixed.

no one wants that. I guess serial murderers and all of that could use it as almost a justification...