Help

The feedback that I received from the instructor was that I need to use more varied resources. I only used one and I needed more in there. There seemed to be some exaggeration as well as bias. The instructor also said that I didn’t use third person. That I didn’t need to talk to the reader.

From my peer reviewer he stated that my points where very strong however I needed to use a different introduction question because it really didn’t grab his attention. He stated it really wasn’t that wow factor. I used some statements that took away from the science aspect of the essay. Overall he felt that I did a great job placing the paragraphs together as well as details and examples. Some of my sentence grammars he said did flow a little unevenly though. He said that he also would suggest putting in the thesis more so that I can focus more on what the topic was about.

I will incorporate the information I received by first accepting them both as constructive criticism and using information that both the instructor and my peer reviewer both agreed upon that was basically the same and working on that first. My goal is to get all points earned so in order to do so mostly I will take the instructors comments and information and go by that first because she is the one grading it.

I think it will improve it by of course giving me a higher grade and making it sound better. What sounds good to me may not sound good to everyone else so getting second and third opinions always help.

The feedback that I don’t think I’m not going to include is changing my opening introduction question. I think that it sounded well as well as the instructor had no complains. Also I feel the statements I made didn’t take away from the science aspect. I don’t think I’m going to changing anything really about the body. Just make the grammar errors and as well as talking to the reader to things I know needs to definitely be changed.