Meditation/Confessions

Marcus Aurelius, in book seven of the Meditations, states, “Perfection of character: to live your last day, every day, without frenzy, or sloth, or pretense.” He then goes on to explain that gods “don’t seem annoyed at having to put up with human beings and their behavior throughout eternity,” but rather “actively care for them.”1 Aurelius uses the word ‘perfection’ to begin this statement in the text, which can mislead readers to believe that Aurelius believed in perfection of the human soul. Separated by a little more than a couple decades, St. Augustine wrote the Confessions, which in many ways explored similar themes, in a very reflective, chronological, and organized manner. St. Augustine’s Confessions, too, may seem like a text that centers on religious salvation and perfection of one’s soul under god at first glance. However, with a closer reading of the text and a closer analysis of the concept of ‘pain’ in both the Meditations and Confessions, we can observe that the very theme of both texts is imperfection rather than perfection of the human mind and soul.

One of St. Augustine’s encounters with pain takes place when he writes about the loss of Monica. He states, “…in response to a ferocious command from my mind my eyes held the fount in check until it dried up, though the struggle was intensely painful for me.”2 Loss of Monica was a crucial yet confusing time for Augustine because his values and his actions were contradicting one another. He knew that Monica was in a better place, but St. Augustine states that while coping with his grief and trying to hide it, “a fresh wave swept upon me, and though it was not enough to bring on an outburst of tears or even a change of expression, I knew myself what I suppressing in my heart.”3 In attempt to deal with this pain, St. Augustine, fights off grief and forces himself to not feel the grief, when in reality, the unwelcomed grief was overpowering his mind and actions. St. Augustine, however, is quick to explain...